its been a while

okay i've been away for a while, partially dealing with those damn 26 year old man boys.... but here we go.

10 favorites....
FAV SEASON: fall. definately
FAV SPORT: to watch? gymnastics and football. to play cheerleading. and yes, when it's competitive cheerleading, it's a sport.
FAV TIME: that five mintues of sleep between the snooze button on your alarm
FAV ACTOR: Jake Gyllenhal
FAV ACTRESS: Hilary Swank
FAV ICECREAM: chocolate and vanilla swirl
FAV FOOD: french fries!
FAV DRINK: coke icee
FAV PLACE: don't really have one... but i really like the mall when i have money

9 currents....

CURRENT FEELING: anticiption...i'm waiting on a call about a job
CURRENT O/S: i don't know ...what that is
CURRENT WINDOWS OPEN: blog spot
CURRENT DRINK: none. but i'm thirsty
CURRENT TIME: 11:09 am
CURRENT MOBILE: verizon
CURRENT SHOW ON TV: Maury Povich
CURRENT THOUGHT: wow my pants are tight i need to lose weight
CURRENT CLOTHES: jeans, Justin boots, pink and yellow striped socks, long sleeve white t- shirt with a UGA logo on it. i'm a GA fan for halloween

8 firsts....

FIRST NICK NAME: lollie
FIRST KISS: in the woods behind my house when i was 9 with the boy who lived down the street.
FIRST CRUSH: Jonathan Taylor Thomas. and the boy who lived down the street
FIRST COMPUTER: i don't know....
FIRST VEHICLE: 98 ford explorer...it was great. i cried when i killed it upside down in the ditch.
FIRST JOB: blimpies. i thought it was great at the time, i love sandwiches.
FIRST MOVIE: i don't remeber the name but it had a boy in it and it was a disney movie that wasn't animated
FIRST PET: a black lab named Ben.
FIRST SHAVE: some time in fourth grade. i swear i hit a main artery.

7 lasts....
LAST CHAI (TEA): probably a year ago
LAST MOVIE: saw 2
LAST TIME DROVE: about an hour ago. to katies house.
LAST TIME SHAVED: this morning. well at least my armpits.
LAST WEBSITE VISITED: spinsterwardiaries
LAST SOFTWARE: i don't know, who cares
LAST PILL: i don't know i hate medicine.

6 have you evers...

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN THE LAW? yes. but does it count if you didn't get caught?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK? yes. lots
HAVE YOU EVER CLIMBED A TREE? of course! wouldn't the better question be have you ever fallen out of a tree? (yes)
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW? yes...see the second "?" in this section
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE MIDDLE/CLOSE TO GUNFIRE OR A BOMB BLAST? yes, the school i went to had one of those shootings. it was a month after columbine.
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN ANYONE'S HEART? yea i think so. i'll never forget the look on his face and what he said before i left.

5 things...
YOU HEAR RIGHT NOW: the spinning wheel on the price is right, katie laughing, cobly hollering, bob barker, and comercial music
ON YOUR BED: sheets, pillows, remote control, last nights pj's
YOU ATE TODAY: a biscuit and jelly...that's it
IN MIND: why haven't they called me back for an interview? why don't i get paid more at work? i really want to go shopping.

4 places you have been today....
WORK,
in the CAR, over to KATIE'S and ......the bathroom?

3 things on your desk right now.
a plate, paper and a printer

2 choices:
BLACK OR WHITE? black
HOT OR COLD? cold

1 thing you want to do before you die
become successful...business and in life

damn the 26 year old menboys.

i as a human being have done many fucked up things in my life and yet it seems i have learned absolutely nothing from it. for instance, my ex boyfriend is more than likely one of my bigger fuck ups. he is by far the most childish, selfish, ignorant person i've believe i have ever come into contact with. and for reasons i don't know i think that was part of what attracted me to him in the beginning. its almost like i saw him as a project. something i could fix.

a work in progress if you will.

about 3 months into it i learned that you should never go into a relationship thinking anything about this person should change. it never will change, and if it does, it's most definately not for the better.

he will never stop putting things before you, if he never did to begin with

he will never do those few little things you ask him to do, if he never did to begin with

and nothing will make him do that. nothing. not asking nicely, not threatening to leave.... most certainly not threatening to leave. but at least i had the balls to stay gone...the last time. or so it seemed until friday night.

you see, i moved in with him, to quickly i might add, and i was using his address for everything. my bank, my insurance, my credit cards my phone bill my car note and the list goes on. when i left i made every effort to make sure those bills would not be sent to his house anymore. i must have forgotten one.

he called me to tell me i had gotten some mail at his house.

so i went over. I KNEW i shouldn't, but i did

he then decided to tell me that he still loved me and that it hurt him to see me with out him blah blah blah...and i ended up staying over there. not in the way you think. we stayed up all night talking and me telling him how it would never work and why...

but it was like i was trying to convince myself.

why do i fall for these losers? he knows i'm seeing some one else, he knows that i'm doing my very best to avoid seeing him so something like this wouldn't happen.

i'll be damned if it didn't.

to top it all off, he's got a four year old who is the most precious thing ever that is so confused by all of this. i don't want to keep confusing this innocent child. ]

i know what i need to do....the question is... is it what i want to do?

jesus christ. i need therapy.

i'm totally unoriginal right now

1. name some one with the same birthday as you:

wayne brady from "who's line is it anyway?"

2. where was your first kiss?

lying in a bed at a party with some guy i could care less about. it was absolutely the worst kiss ever.

3. have you ever seriously vandalized some one's property?:

yes. it involved eggs, toilet paper and bologna.

4. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?

yes, some old man grabbed my ass at music midtown and i turned around and decked him.

5. have you ever sung in front of a large group of people?

yes, drunk kareokee. the clapped though!

6. what's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?

hmmm...teeth. and hands. and eyes.

7. what do you order at the coffee bean?

coffee. one cream and lots of sugar. but there's not one near by, so i'd have to drive an hour out of the way to do it.

8. have you ever hurt yourself on purpse?

yes. i had some what of a hard childhood.

9. say something totally random about yourself.

i hate my nose but i love my boobs lol

10. has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

yes, ashlee simpson. and elaine from seinfeld

11. do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?

a little bit, but for the most part, no.

12. did you ever have braces?

yes. and i lost my retainer so i bet i could use them again

13. are you comfortable with your height?

yup. 5' 7. not to short, not to tall

14. what is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

i used to date this guy named shane...and he was kind of in between a long term ex that i had...one day he brought me flowers to work. a few days later i told him i wasn't over my ex and i couldn't be with him. the next day he called me and wanted me to come to his house. he said " i can't let you just walk out of my life. i want you here with me so much" i basically told him i'm sorry, but you don't have a choice. sometimes i regret that one.

15. when do you know it's love?

when you can roll over after a long night and tell the one your with that his breath smells like a cat shit in it. if that's not love, its damn close.

when you trust him

16. do you speak any other languages?

a little bit of german. "du bist meine hunde" that means you're my bitch

17. have you ever been to a tanning salon?

yeah, but it never does much good

18. what magazines do you read?

a lot. us weekly, cosmo, glamour, jane, maxim, star...

19. have you ever ridden in a limo?

a few times, it's cool

20. has anyone you were really close to passed away?

not really. when i was 15 my great grandmother died, but i wouldn't say we were close...she wasn't all there at the end.

21. do you watch mtv?

yup. i used to want to be on the real world and then i realized my parents would see it

22. what's something that really annoys you?

people who get in my business and try to create drama

23. what's something you really like?

shopping. its theraputic

24. do you like michael jackson?

nope. i think he's a perv

25. can you dance?

yea, i was a cheerleader for 8 years, it comes with the territory

26. what's the latest you ever stayed up?

i stayed up for 3 days...i think. i was doing some stupid illegal substances then.

27. have you ever been rushed by an ambulance to the emergancy room?

nope. i'm careful :P

28. do you actually read these when people fill them out?

yup. i like reading about people...i'm nosy :)

its just a ring...or is it?

what is it that we find so important about being engaged? besides the fact that you found the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, blah blah blah....is half the excitment a ring? i have a very good friend of mine who's life revolved around getting her ring for like a year. and when she finally got it, it didn't really get much better. don't get me wrong, the ring is pretty, i just don't see what makes her and her man so much different or better now. they were pretty happy before, what about putting that ring on her finger made it any different?

that being said, i want a ring really bad

i know i know, i just got done saying that it shouldn't make a difference and what not, but don't you think maybe we're conditioned as little girls to make that one specific thing so important?

i won't lie,

i sport a fake one. (ring)

all the time.

and it's not just an engagement ring, it's a set. it's worn in part because some times it will keep unwanted attention away, part because i want other girls to see it and think that i'm happily married and be jealous that they're still having to look and i'm not (but really i am) and part because well, its pretty.

ive decided it might not be the best idea in the world though, because sometimes you run into people you haven't seen in a while, and you're feeling stupid when they ask you about it because it's fake, so you don't tell them its fake, you just go along with it and then rumors get started, people start calling and wondering why you didn't invite them to you wedding, or why you haven't introduced him when really there is no one to fucking introduce!

i'm tellin ya, the things girls do to make other girls jealous. girls we don't even know!

but when you're sporting the ring its an unspoken truth that it means you won. you beat all those other lonely girls to the punch.

and i won't lie. when i see girls looking at my fake ring, i get a sense of pride. i think to myself, they think i'm married and happy with a great guy and they're not. if they only knew

anyway, i don't wear it all the time, just sometimes when i'm feeling especially lonely or if i go out looking like shit. if i have that ring on, it doesn't matter that i look like shit because to everyone else it looks like some one loves me and doesn't care if i look like a bag lady.

its a sick side of women that little ring will bring out.

don't lie, it's gotten to you a couple of times. i bet you've got a fake one to lol

hiccup....hiccup

this morning at 3:00, i woke up, rolled over and looked at the clock and though why the fuck am i awake? and then it happened. hiccup i kind of looked around my bedroom like maybe some one else did it. it caught me off guard! hiccup i tried to fall back asl hiccup eep, but i just couldn't. i s-hiccup- at in bed for thirty min-hiccup-utes HICCUPING! what the hell. needless to say, im sl-hiccup-eepy.

i need an opinion

okay, this weekend was ridiculous, as i've already posted. the date thing that was supposed to happen tuesday (last night) was with the matt that i've been seeing. at about 4 yesterday he sends me a text message that says "i don't know if i'm gonna be able to do anything tonight, i've still got a lot of work to do" initially i was pissed, but i understand that he's a working man and he has deadlines and all that bull shit. a few hours later i get another text message that says " i've had 4 meetings to day so i didn't get shit done at work" i'm thinking why is he telling me this? and then i try to rationalize by saying it's because he doesn't want me to think he's blowing me off. he calls me at about 8:30 and says that he can't talk long but he's really sorry about not being able to go out tonight. blah blah blah. i tell him it's no big deal that i've got plans now anyway and not to worry about it. so THEN he calls me at 11:30 or so and i'm feeling pretty tipsy because i drank a few (4) long island ice teas while i went out with friends. when i answer he gets a few words out and i tell him "i'm tired of talking on the phone. i wanted to see you tonight and that got fucked and i was pissed when i found out. i just wanted you to know that" he agrees and says he will call me today and figure out when we can go out again. should i even agree to see him? i haven't in almost 2 and 1/2 weeks and i feel like maybe he should make more of an effort. tell me something. anything. i'm in desperate need of guidence.

drunk ass

i was a drunk ass last night. like any normal working adult, i look forward to the weekend because it means no work. (well for me, every other week end) so i got FUCKED up. i'm talking about can't stand, don't want to stand because if i do my head would be to far away from the toilet kind of fucked up. i of course drunk dialed matt, and right as we were starting to talk about the next time we were gonna go out, three of my guy friends started yelling at me to get off the phone and come take a shot of vodka. matt was like " i'm gonna let you go." i think maybe he felt a little threatened. (good) i hate getting so drunk like that. i mean, i go over just to have a few drinks after work and it turns into total college-like party. liquor every where, people getting naked. (not i) i woke up this morning and it looked like a person bomb exploded on the living room floor. they were every where, propped up against the wall, under the coffee talbe, on the kitchen counter, i found some one in the garage... i, luckily, found a bed to pass out in. the beauty of being me right now is that i don't get hung over. the first thing i did this morning was stop and get breakfast. i'm pretty sure i have a date for tuesday...with matt... i think matt. there was another matt at the party...i don't think it's him...i don't remember. damn those vodka black outs!

11-20 of the 101 things about me YAAAYYYYY

11. i have a sick obsession with plucking eyebrows. something about it is just satisfying.

12. i have my tongue pierced. it hurt like a motherfucker and if i had to do it again....i wouldn't. never mind. yes i would

13. i like guys with chest hair. weird huh? most girls aren't a big fan of it.

14. i really, really like singing in the shower.

15. i really, really hate math. numbers are strange to me.

16. i know how to say curse words in german. i decided that i didn't want to learn spainish in high school because i think the mother fuckers should learn my language in my country. why German? the teacher was cute.

17. i hate dating. the whole aukward conversation over bad food and beer just doesn't appeal to me.

18. as much as i hate dating, i do it anyway.

19. i love vodka. it turns me into fun lauren. and it turns other people, who would not normally be, interesting.

20. i also like jagger bombs. well really i like to drink. does that make me an alcoholic? i don't go to meetings....... so i'm a drunk, right? (im not a drunk, i just like to party and have fun)

DON'T BUY THE CHEESE DIP!

don't buy the cheese dip from the grocery store. you know the kind you get at a mexican restaurant? well the stuff that looks like it at the grocery store is NOT the same thing. it tasted like melted plastic...although i'm not entirely sure what melted plastic tastes like. so put some salt in it. no luck. i put some butter. still no luck. at that point i took the bowl to the trash can and turned it upside down. nothing came out. it was a clump stuck to the bowl. it wasn't liquid-ee like the stuff at the mexican restaurant. i was really disappointed. i so wanted cheese dip, and now i'm gonna have to go the damn frontera and buy a little bowl of it for the same price as that fucking big chunk of stuff that i melted in the microwave. uh. now i'm hungry. and i want cheese dip. aggghhhhhl

you try to do something nice....

today is my friend katie's birthday. on my lunch break i wanted to get her lunch and bring it to her (she's at the house with a baby) but i'm broke. so i call my dad and ask him if i can borrow a few bucks and he WILL get paid back on thursday when my money comes. so he says yes and i go all the way to my parents house to pick it up. keep in mind i have hardly any gas in my car (gas prices are kicking my ass) so i get there and he's decided that i'm just using him and he changes his mind. i'm like YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE I DROVE ALL THE WAY TO YOUR HOUSE! so now i'm out like a quarter tank of gas, still no money, and no lunch for me or katie i'm just in pissy mood now and it's ruined my day. i know, you're thinking, how trivial. why let something like that bother you. well because it just does. damnit.